Hey Boys and Girls, do you know the difference between price and value?

Take the Wine Expo Challenge! Compare the Brewing Specs…

 

Coordweiser Lite Ice Draft:

Raw Materials

Rice!?!?!?!? Barley, Water (from the local municipal system), Corn Syrup, Hops (but not enough to really bother anyone), single-strain genetically engineered yeasts

Brewery

Industrial complexes that look like the love child of a dairy and an oil refinery.

Process

Quick brew for low alcohol (3.4%) and sweetness, age for 21 days then filtered with some wood chips so they can (falsely) advertise it as “Leechwood Aged”, pasteurized and shipped immediately with an expiration date to remind you it does not have enough hops to live.

Taste

Slim to none, faintly appley, sweetish finish.

Suggested foods:

Hot Dogs, microwave pizza, Doritos, pork rinds……

Advertising as a percentage of price:

40% give or take a Bikini team and a few CGI Amphibians.

 

Orval Trappiste:

Raw Materials

Three distinct 100% Barley malts, Water from a famous local lake that you can see fish swimming 50ft deep in, lots of Hops (German Westphalia and English Goldings), five separate yeasts cultured for centuries.

Brewery

One (1) 17th Century Monastery fitted with modern vessels in the traditional small batch style. Aging cellars dug by hand.

Process

Slow boil brewing for maximum aromatic extraction, primary fermentation for alcohol (5.7%) followed by secondary with Golding Hops (for flavor) which takes 6 weeks. The beer is primed with white candy sugar and yeasts then bottled for a third fermentation in the bottle, then aged three months at the Abbey. It is still fermenting in the bottle when you buy it. Never pasteurized.

Taste

A beer of uncompromising character with rich flavors, a sage aroma and an exquisite dryness that makes it unmatched as an aperitif.

Suggested foods:

Grilled Game Sausages marinated in Orval, wrapped en croûte with goat cheese, topped with a tomato coulis laced with Orval. But it’s also good with Doritos and Guacamole!

Advertising as a percentage of price:

less than 1%

This is just one example of why cheap beer is expensive for what it is and great handmade ales are one of the last honestly crafted luxury goods most of us can still afford. And, once you factor in that your average Belgian is twice to thrice as strong as the industrial fizz that passes for beer in most places, the buzz per buck ratio rocks as well!

 

“It takes a lot of good beer to make great wine” Countless winemakers worldwide!

 

Frat House Algebra:

 

6 12oz “Macro Brews” @ 4% ABV = 2.9oz Alcohol for $5 or $1.72 per buzz unit (1 oz alcohol)

 

2 25oz St Fueillien Blonde @ 8.5% ABV= 4.25 oz Alcohol for $7.98 or $1.85 per buzz unit

 

While the difference is statistically insignificant on the face of it, applying the weighted quality factor of 5 (because the St. Fueilien tastes five times better) we see that the adjusted cost of the Coordwieser Lite Ice is in fact $8.60 per buzz unit, a fiscally irresponsible waste of the House Entertainment Fund that could be spent on strippers, toga parties and term papers!

Belgian Ales, DO THE MATH!!!